I want a job at Piper Jaffray: All I’d have to do is sit around for hours watching people buy stuff, then draw some relatively un-shocking conclusions — while raking in what I assume is a…shall we say, decent salary.
Case in point: Munster & Team’s latest report to stockholders. Via AppleInsider:
Analysts for investment bank Piper Jaffray spent six hours this past weekend monitoring traffic at mall-based Apple retail stores and found that the shops exerted a gravitational pull on shoppers who came within 25 feet of the entranceways.
See, everyone thought I was crazy when I said I could feel an Apple Store a mile away. And my friends groan when I insist we go in every time we’re at the mall, but clearly it’s just a futile attempt to cover their inability to resist the glowy-logo goodness. It’s fairly obvious that if Steve Jobs has the power to manipulate minds with his Reality Distortion Field, clearly he has the ability to install artificial-gravity devices in his stores.
Munster goes on to describe why this lil’ “you don’t say?” observation is important to the shareholders (as opposed to scientists, who I’m sure are curious as well):
“The important point is this gravitational pull highlights that consumers’ future buying intentions could be shifting to Apple from PCs,” he explained. “If materialized, this shift should benefit Apple in 2008 and 2009.”
According to AppleInsider, the Jaffrays “observed the stores selling an average 5.3 Macs and 1 iPhone each hour, compared to 4.3 Macs and 1.3 iPhones during a similar round of checks back in August.” (Seriously, one day I’m going into an Apple Store and asking for .3 Macs.)
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d headed to the local McDonalds: I’m gonna sit outside with one of those clicker-counter things and see how many people go in and buy a Big Mac, then expect people to give me lots of money to attain those numbers…numbers that are going to wind up on the internet anyway, for everyone to read, whether they paid for them or not. What a job.
You may find interesting the exclusive interview I published today with Alex Frankel, the author of "Punching In." It's an account of front-line jobs he had at companies like Gap, Starbucks, UPS and Apple during a two-year project. We cover specifically his Apple Store insights:
Author interview: “Punching In” at the Apple Store
http://counternotions.com/2007/11/26/punching-in-interview/
Since we only have 3 Apple Stores in Canada anyways, it's a serious offense to come within 100 m of the store and NOT go in.
On an unrelated note, I like the wikipedia article's reference to "drinking the Kool Aid"
"(Seriously, one day I'm going into an Apple Store and asking for .3 Macs.)"
Some people would suggest the employee would just sell you a Mac mini.