Rumors of Steve’s demise are greatly exaggerated

I never met Steve Jobs, but I made eye contact with him. Once. The tech world will mourn his loss, and I can even now hear the lamentations rising over Silicon Vall—sorry? What? He’s not dead? But I totally saw his obituary on Bloomberg. Bloomberg.

Somebody at the wire service got a little ahead of themselves today, pushing live an obituary of El Jobso when it was merely supposed to be updated internally (itself not an uncommon practice in journalism circles). Are there any Nostradamus-like details we can glean from the copy?

DATE (Bloomberg) — Steve Jobs, who helped make personal computers as easy to use as telephones, changed the way animated films are made, persuaded consumers to tune into digital music and refashioned the mobile phone, has XXXX. He was TK.

Jobs XXXX, TK said XXXX.

Ah, yes. I see. Someone really ought to warn Steve about the dangers of XXXX, especially as we approach DATE.

For those interested in how Steve’s eventual passing will affect the financials of the company, Bloomberg had this to say.

Apple rose/fell $TK, or TK percent, to $TK at TK a.m./p.m. New York time in Nasdaq Stock Market trading.

Batten down the hatches! Danger is coming! Apple’s stock will rise/fall! TK percent? The company is dooooooomed/burgeoning!

Also interesting are the attached list of potential contacts for Jobs’s obituary, including Woz, Billy G, original Apple backer Mike Markkula, Al Gore, Eric Schmidt, California Attorney General Jerry Brown, Pixar’s John Lassiter and Ed Catmull, Guy Kawasaki, and Nolan Bushnell. All of which may be found under a giant heading reading “HOLD FOR RELEASE - DO NOT USE - HOLD FOR RELEASE - DO NOT USE.” What in heaven’s name could that mean?

Bloomberg later sent out a retraction saying only “An incomplete story referencing Apple Inc. was inadvertently published by Bloomberg News at 4:27 p.m. New York time today. The item was never meant for publication and has been retracted.” Huzzah!

Wait…does that make Steve undead?

[via CNET]