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April 7, 2008

steve_jobs

Jobs to face dungeons, dragons

Posted Apr. 7, ’08, 9:18 AM PT by Dan Moren
Category | Apple » Steve Jobs

Jobs WizardHave you ever wanted to be Steve Jobs? Think of it: the access to all of Apple’s gadgets, the easy morning wardrobe choices, and, of course, the power of life and death over every living creature. Wired poses the next logical question: if Steve Jobs—and a handful of other luminaries—were a Dungeons & Dragons character, what kind of stats would they have?

Steve Jobs

21st Level Paladin
Strength: 12
Intelligence: 15
Wisdom: 17
Dexterity: 10
Charisma: 20
Special Abilities: Reality Distortion field allows him to temporarily influence any character, if he rolls less than his Charisma, minus the target’s Intelligence.
Special Equipment: +6 Magical Armor appears as a black turtleneck and blue jeans, but protects him from edged attacks.

Fair enough, but they neglect the fact that Jobs reputedly possesses infravision, and has a THAC0 of just seven. But far more egregious is his purported class: in terms of alignment, Jobs is obviously Chaotic Good, which clearly prohibits him from being a paladin—not to mention that a strength of 12 is a bit low for any fighting class. In reality, Jobs is likely a specialized magic-user (I’d say Illusionist) or possibly a Bard.

Geez, Wired: I figured you’d be able to tell your magic missile from your Bigby’s crushing hand. I guess we know who’s not bringing the Cheetos to our next campaign.


9 Comments

Matt said:

Typical Moren post.

April 7, 2008 9:43 AM
Donn Author Profile Page said:

Definitely Illusionist. Though he's gotta have a higher Intelligence. In any case, those are some low ability scores for a 21st level character.

April 7, 2008 9:54 AM
Kirby said:

Chaotic Good? Are you nuts? Jobs is CLEARLY Lawful Neutral -- a strict authoritarian who, depending on the situation, does either good or evil as he sees fit, based purely on what HE believes in best, not on any preexisting moral code.

And God love 'im for it. :)

April 7, 2008 9:55 AM
mcsey Author Profile Page said:

THAC0? Really? What is this 1997?

April 7, 2008 10:02 AM
Dave-O said:

I think that meets my geek quota for the week, and it's only Monday.

@mcsey, you'll have to pardon us old farts who haven't played 3rd edition (Advanced Advanced Dungeons & Dragons?).

April 7, 2008 10:09 AM
nwmike said:

Moren??? Hmmm...

If you don't have something nice to say...

Really if you don't like this 'typical' post, then you are within your right to go elsewhere (and please do).

April 7, 2008 10:21 AM
nwmike said:

THAC0-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/THAC0

"I think that meets my geek quota for the week" -Indeed!

April 7, 2008 12:03 PM
DWesnor said:
Fair enough, but they neglect the fact that Jobs reputedly possesses infravision, and has a THAC0 of just seven. But far more egregious is his purported class: in terms of alignment, Jobs is obviously Chaotic Good, which clearly prohibits him from being a paladin—not to mention that a strength of 12 is a bit low for any fighting class. In reality, Jobs is likely a specialized magic-user (I'd say Illusionist) or possibly a Bard.

I'll bet the ladies love it when you talk like that.

April 7, 2008 12:51 PM
Dan Moren Author Profile Page said:

Let's just say they have to make a saving throw vs. charms. Amiright?

April 7, 2008 1:55 PM

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