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Jobs to face dungeons, dragons

Posted by Dan Moren | Monday, April 07, 2008 9:18 AM PT

Jobs WizardHave you ever wanted to be Steve Jobs? Think of it: the access to all of Apple’s gadgets, the easy morning wardrobe choices, and, of course, the power of life and death over every living creature. Wired poses the next logical question: if Steve Jobs—and a handful of other luminaries—were a Dungeons & Dragons character, what kind of stats would they have?

Steve Jobs

21st Level Paladin
Strength: 12
Intelligence: 15
Wisdom: 17
Dexterity: 10
Charisma: 20
Special Abilities: Reality Distortion field allows him to temporarily influence any character, if he rolls less than his Charisma, minus the target’s Intelligence.
Special Equipment: +6 Magical Armor appears as a black turtleneck and blue jeans, but protects him from edged attacks.

Fair enough, but they neglect the fact that Jobs reputedly possesses infravision, and has a THAC0 of just seven. But far more egregious is his purported class: in terms of alignment, Jobs is obviously Chaotic Good, which clearly prohibits him from being a paladin—not to mention that a strength of 12 is a bit low for any fighting class. In reality, Jobs is likely a specialized magic-user (I’d say Illusionist) or possibly a Bard.

Geez, Wired: I figured you’d be able to tell your magic missile from your Bigby’s crushing hand. I guess we know who’s not bringing the Cheetos to our next campaign.

Comments (9)

Typical Moren post.

Matt
April 07, 2008
9:43 AM PT

Definitely Illusionist. Though he's gotta have a higher Intelligence. In any case, those are some low ability scores for a 21st level character.

Donn Author Profile Page
April 07, 2008
9:54 AM PT

Chaotic Good? Are you nuts? Jobs is CLEARLY Lawful Neutral -- a strict authoritarian who, depending on the situation, does either good or evil as he sees fit, based purely on what HE believes in best, not on any preexisting moral code.

And God love 'im for it. :)

Kirby
April 07, 2008
9:55 AM PT

THAC0? Really? What is this 1997?

April 07, 2008
10:02 AM PT

I think that meets my geek quota for the week, and it's only Monday.

@mcsey, you'll have to pardon us old farts who haven't played 3rd edition (Advanced Advanced Dungeons & Dragons?).

Dave-O
April 07, 2008
10:09 AM PT

Moren??? Hmmm...

If you don't have something nice to say...

Really if you don't like this 'typical' post, then you are within your right to go elsewhere (and please do).

nwmike
April 07, 2008
10:21 AM PT

THAC0-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/THAC0

"I think that meets my geek quota for the week" -Indeed!

nwmike
April 07, 2008
12:03 PM PT
Fair enough, but they neglect the fact that Jobs reputedly possesses infravision, and has a THAC0 of just seven. But far more egregious is his purported class: in terms of alignment, Jobs is obviously Chaotic Good, which clearly prohibits him from being a paladin-not to mention that a strength of 12 is a bit low for any fighting class. In reality, Jobs is likely a specialized magic-user (I'd say Illusionist) or possibly a Bard.

I'll bet the ladies love it when you talk like that.

DWesnor
April 07, 2008
12:51 PM PT

Let's just say they have to make a saving throw vs. charms. Amiright?

Dan Moren Author Profile Page
April 07, 2008
1:55 PM PT

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