What do you do when you have an app that’s old as hell, built on obsolete technology, and has a UI with the same fashion sense as your friend’s dad who still dresses like it’s 1985?
You slice its head off and shift your customers’ focus to your new and improved replacement app with a different name that’s kinda like the old app but a whole lot better.
And so it goes: Today, Outspring Inc. announced the discontinuation of its QuickMail line of products, an email server and client that look like their CodeWarrior files haven’t been opened since they were recompiled for OS X eight years ago. (Just look at the screenshots. It’s like Outspring forgot about these apps for the past few years, until one day out of boredom one of their employees was idly clicking around their website and stumbled across the product pages.
“What’s this?” he asks his boss, Outspring president and CEO Jeff Baudin.
Baudin squints curiously at the screen. It looks familiar, but he just can’t place it. QuickMail…hmmm…Quick-Mail…Mail…that is…Quick…
Then it hits him. He pauses as his face fills with panic. “Oh…crap.”
He bolts to his office, his anxiety comparable to when he forgot his wife’s birthday last year and had to get her a card, gift, and flowers before they were supposed to meet in a half-hour at her favorite restaurant. “Debby!” he blindly shouts at his secretary’s desk, not realizing she left for lunch 20 minutes ago. “We need to issue a press release that we’re discontinuing ClickMail!”
“QuickMail!” shouts the employee in the background.
“QuickMail!” Baudin corrects himself. “You know, the ugly one!”)
As of today, Outspring has suspended all sales and phone support for QuickMail products. Customers who have purchased QuickMail products within the last 90 days will still be entitled another 90 days of telephone support. Prior users can still find peer-to-peer support in Outspring’s support forum at their website.
I’d really like to see some numbers on customers who have purchased QuickMail within in the last 90 days. Or, should I say, number.
The three apps-QuickMail Server, QuickMail Macintosh, and QuickMail Wintel-are still available at their website, if you’ve got some kind of old-software fetish and want to wrap yourself in its defunct goodness. Go ahead, I won’t judge (that’s a lie).
In the meantime, they’d like you to look at their Outspring Mail products, which at least won’t make you feel like you fell through a time portal to a pin-stripped past when you launch it. Always a plus.
I remember assessing QuickMail in 1998.
Just around the time we switched to CommuniGate.
Later we moved to CommuniGate Pro, which I still have fond memories of. (I'm currently responsible for a network where Microsoft Exchange is the email server of choice.)
This really makes me feel old. :P
Now that's what I call a parenthetical.
That's hilarious, Dan! You had me ROTFL!
But actually, my secretary is named Danae. And if she even knew I referred to her as a "secretary" (who uses that term anymore?) she'd salt my coffee.
Keep up the good work. We need more tech writers with a wry sense of humor. :-)
Jeff Baudin