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April 1, 2008

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Apple loses legal battle, forced to change name

Posted Apr. 1, ’08, 12:00 PM PT by David Dahlquist
Category | Apple » News

banana.jpgFollowing a series of prolonged court battles with Beatles-owned Apple Corps Ltd., a federal court judge has ordered Apple to change its name, so as not to confuse itself with the British multimedia company founded in 1968. In keeping with the fruit motif, Apple has decided on “Banana” for a new company name.

The move came as a surprise to analysts, who were expecting a less drastic name change. While discussing the new company name at a press conference at Apple, err, Banana headquarters, Jobs did his best to remain enthusiastic while explaining the logic behind “Banana”:

“At first, “Orange” seemed like a no-brainer, but it felt too easy; too inside the box. Then we considered more obscure fruits, like kumquat, and lucuma, but they just didn’t have that “ring”. Then it hit me: Banana! I mean, bananas are more nutritious than apples anyway, and their silhouette is instantly recognizable. Plus, it’s just a fun word to say! Ba-na-na. Sure we lost the legal battle, but we’re looking forward to a bright new future under our new moniker.”

He then broke down into a fit of tears and was escorted off stage by his assistants.

Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, in a candid interview, made little effort to hide his disdain for the name change, citing the “tacky” yellow color of bananas as well as their phallic nature as points of contention.

“I mean, the new logo…it kinda looks like a wang with a bite out of it” he mumbled between swigs of Jack Daniels. “And it’s going to look ridiculous on the new holographic iPhones…Oops, did I just say they’re making holographic iPhones? I am SO sorry, Steve.”

The change took effect at Wallstreet as well, where it was met with hostility and panic from investors. As of today, Banana stock is valued at $3.41 a share.

Microsoft could not be reached for comment, as the company is currently celebrating the name change with a week long, drug fueled rave at Bill Gates’ Lake Washington home.


4 Comments

Fred said:

How about ONE guy gets to write the April fools article? And you can do a raffle for who gets to write it ever YEAR.

April 1, 2008 1:43 PM
Dave-O said:

Before I read the article, I thought it was a pea pod.

Since Fred (and many others, apparently) are sick of the April Fool's jokes, maybe wall them off into a different section since it appears you are in some arms race with each other to post the best joke. It's not like any of them have been remotely believable anyway.

April 1, 2008 3:31 PM
Robert Eye said:

Woo hoo! We can finally get them to make the Banana Jr. 2000 from Bloom County!! :-)

April 1, 2008 4:08 PM
Weston said:

Are you freaking serious a banana is retarded I am glad this is an April fools joke, I think.

April 5, 2008 8:38 AM

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