They’ve Been Digging In The Wrong Place!
Apple announced typically awesome results on Tuesday during its quarterly conference call. The company reported earnings per share of $1.26, beating Wall Street’s estimate of $1.11. That wasn’t unusual. What was unusual is that the company’s stock went up after the call.
See, the way this is supposed to work is that Apple announces results that shatter estimates but then puts on a frowny face and issues a dour forecast for the upcoming quarter. Wall Street—always looking for future growth, not past performance—screams like a B-movie starlet and issues a massive SELL order. But what Wall Street had not previously realized is that Apple is using the “Staff of Ra” method of announcing quarterly guidance.
You remember the Staff of Ra from Raiders of the Lost Ark, don’t you? The Nazis thought the staff was the wrong height because they only had one side of the headpiece, leaving them digging in the wrong place while Indy found the Well of the Souls and the Ark. Well, apparently Wall Street has now hired that grizzled, cackling old seer who has deciphered Apple’s trick of taking back 10% before giving guidance to Wall Street, “to honor the Hebrew God whose iPhone this is.”
Well, OK, maybe this is where the analogy gets a little thin.
But still, it appears the jig is up. Somewhere at Apple there’s a spreadsheet that needs updating. We certainly can’t have Wall Street knowing what the real guidance is, can we?
I Got Your Condescension Right Here.
Speaking of iPhones, though, Apple fans will be glad to hear that Apple has met its goal of selling 10 million iPhones in calendar 2008. With two months left to go in the year—two months that include the holiday shopping season—it’s safe to assume that milestone will be shattered by year end.
That’s particularly pleasing because when Apple announced that goal there was the kind of condescending chuckling from competitors that you see from the Mad Men every time one of the secretaries tries to show she has a brain. “Whoa! Hey, little missy! Don’t strain anything! Why don’t you go get me an Old Fashioned, huh, sweet cheeks?”
Yeah, well, who’s laughing and drinking an Old Fashioned now, jerkweeds? The Macalope is, that’s who. Yes, sir! Ah-ha-ha-ha!
Ahhh.
Hmm.
Blech. You know, these Old Fashioneds really aren’t very good.
Can’t You See You’re Tearing This Family Apart?!
Apple released more “Get a Mac” ads this week as they continued to take pot shots at Microsoft.
This brown and furry Applephile finds the new bits quite amusing, particularly the “Bean Counter” ad. But he can’t help but wonder if this constant public bickering back and forth between the two technology giants is doing anyone any good. At least Apple’s ads are a little less passive/aggressive. And it’s probably better than bottling it up. Nobody likes to see mom and dad take out their issues with each other through the dog.
That dog’s got enough problems.
I actually thought the bake sale fell a little flat. But the bean counter one was quite funny.
I actually though all the ads were quite funny, especially if you understand the underlying point on the "Bake Sale". ;0) In case you didn't understand, Apple is essentially poking fun at MS ability to lock in enterpirse users to their outrageous license fees. Taste once and your hooked for life. LOL I do agree these ads can become potentially tiresome.
The Bake Sale one was okay, but the Bean Counter and the V-word ones were all kinds of awesomeness. Not as awesome as the Macelope of course.
Ahem; the Bake Sale was not about lockin (thought that is an interesting POV), it was about the $10 Million MS paid to Jerry Seinfeld.
I hate to be that guy that corrects grammar, but the sentence "the Nazis thought the staff was the wrong height because they only had one side of the headpiece" just doesn't work. The Nazis didn't think that at all... what they thought was that their staff was the correct height. They were, of course, wrong about this, but they didn't realize it.
A better sentence would read "The Nazis were using a staff that was the wrong height because they only had one side of the headpiece".
A lovely article. You didn't mention that the same competitors and pundits who tut-tutted Apple's 10M iPhone goal, are now quite silent.
And the bean counter ad is also my favorite. Justin Long seems almost sympathetic. Like a guy who just unsuccessfully tried to talk his buddy out of jumping the fence into the lion's cage.
Don't you think "Macalope Weekly" is a little too ambitious a title? I enjoy the Macalope's musing, but he needs to update far more frequently, or quit pretending to be a weekly columnist. Perhaps, "Macalope Monthly", "Macalope Infrequently", or "Macalope Whenever He Feels Like It" would be more accurate title.