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December 1, 2006

humor

Steve Jobs successor under…construction?

Posted Dec. 1, ’06, 9:22 AM PT by Dan Moren
Category | Apple » Humor

Laser SteveWe’ve wondered aloud in the past who could possibly fill Steve Jobs’s sneakers when the CEO finally has to step down. Outsider? Insider? Marketing flack? Design genius? The questions are too many. But now we’ve learned of a super secret project enacted by Jobs to develop the perfect successor…in his basement.

Jobs himself confirmed his pet project but would not provide technical details.

“Suffice it to say that my replacement will be constructed in my image and will exist as a fully functional agent to continue to enact my will upon the physical plane,” Jobs said when reached for comment.

“It may also shoot death rays from its eyes. Something I always wanted to be able to do. Just…thought I’d add that.”

Key ingredients to the project appear to be Coors Lite, Pork-Free Rinds, Funyuns, Old Milwaukee, and Steve Wozniak, though “some sources insist the entire thing is a ruse for the two men to get away from their wives.”

How long, then, before Steve Jobs iBots are widely available? You could have Steve vacuum the living room, do the grocery shopping, and pick up your dry-cleaning. Of course, all the while it will slowly ingratiate itself with your friends and family, its Reality Distortion Field cranked to 11, until one morning you open your dresser to find that your entire wardrobe has been replaced with black turtlenecks and jeans. And that’s the last thing you ever see…


3 Comments

David said:

Sweet, where can I get one of these? heh.

December 1, 2006 12:19 PM
John Moltz said:

Nice graphic! I should have had that!

December 2, 2006 7:57 AM
Dan Moren said:

Graphic? I totally took that picture at, er, Macworld, yeah.

Actually, how cool would that be if Steve just busted out the laser eye beams in the middle of the keynote? "Just one more thing....zzzzzzz..." "Oh God, nooooo..."

Just remember, like at Sea World, you don't want to sit too close to the front...

December 2, 2006 8:43 AM

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